Resources for Bears


Movies


Horror Section

 
The Amityville Horror

Year: 1979
Attributes: Color
Rating: 
Length: 119 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: James Brolin  

Review:
James Brolin with a great beard, And a great scene with him in his Jocky Shorts!!-And it's a great scary movie.

BearMovie: #102  
Entered: June 21, 2001 by msr

 
Bram Stoker's The Mummy

Year: 1997
Attributes: Based on a Novel, Color, DVD, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 100 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Richard Karn  

Review:
Richard Karn ("Home Improvements"'s "Al") plays an archaeologist. The movie isn't highly rated, but you do see Richard with his shirt off!

BearMovie: #007  
Entered: September 9, 1999 by RAD

 
The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover

Year: 1989
Attributes: Color
Rating: 
Length: 123 minutes

Featured Bears: Michael Gambon   Gary Olsen  

Review:
This filmic tour de force is obviously a comment on Thatcher's Britain and rampant consumerism in the late twentieth century. However, this is notable for a coruscating performance of Spink, the gangster, played by the Great Gambon, ably assisted by the late Gary Olsen, as one of his gang. Gambon as Spink, naturally enough, gets his comeuppance, for this truly is a very bad bear!!

BearMovie: #80  
Entered: December 16, 2000 by RAD

 
Cry Uncle

Year: 1971
Attributes: Color, DVD, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 87 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Allen Garfield  

Review:
Several years ago, I came across a website that was dedicated to chubby bears in movies. There were many stills from those movies. "Cry Uncle" was one of them that gave me a unforgetable impression, but I have not watched it yet.

BearMovie: #31  
Entered: October 4, 1999 by cg

 
Dracula Prince of Darkness

Year: 1965
Attributes: Color, DVD, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 90 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Andrew Keir  

Review:
Christopher Lee may have been resurrected for this sequel to the Hammer original, but the film is stolen by that stalwart of post-war British B-movies Andrew Keir as Father Sandor. The gravel-voiced Scotsman plays a gun- toting, horse-riding abbot who helps put Dracula back in his place. Keir completely steals the movie with his greying beard, witty performance and sardonic presence. He looks good in a cassock, too!

BearMovie: #111  
Entered: July 31, 2001 by cg

 
The Hound of the Baskervilles

Year: 1959
Attributes: Based on a Novel
Rating: 
Length: 84 minutes

Featured Bears: Francis De Wolff   Andre Morell  

Review:
One of many adaptations of Arthur Conan Doyle's (himself a distinguished bear)classic, starring the deeply under-rated Peter Cushing. An unusual venture for Hammer but quite a good attempt with some interesting appearances by Miles Malleson and John Le Mesurier. Notable for the appearance of two British Bears, Andre Morell as Watson (also to be seen in that other Hammer classic The Plague of the Zombies) and Francis de Wolff as Dr Mortimer. Two gorgeous bears to drool over in one movie, what more could one ask?

BearMovie: #47  
Entered: January 2, 2000 by RAD

 
Lake Placid

Year: 1999
Attributes: Color, DVD, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 82 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Brendan Gleeson   Oliver Platt  

Review:
This is a really good movie that doesn't take itself seriously and is a wonderful homage to b- movies. I think anybody who has enjoyed Jaws and Piranha will love this film. The best bits for me are the insults and threats shared between the two bears in the movie, Brendan Gleeson (Braveheart) and Oliver Platt (Three Musketeers). Plus there is a wonderful scene where Brendon Gleeson is wandering about the woods in his underpants, yum.

BearMovie: #63  
Entered: April 26, 2000 by RAD

 
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Manos: The Hands of Fate

Year: 1988
Attributes: Color, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 97 minutes

Featured Bears: John (I) Reynolds  

Review:
Widely regarded as the WORST movie ever featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Manos: The Hands of Fate" is staggeringly bad in every imaginable way. Bad acting, bad script, bad effects, bad camerawork. Which provides plenty of comedic material for the satellite crew. The late John Reynolds plays Torgo, an eccentric groundskeeper with really big knees. (Trivia: supposedly he's a satyr with goat's hoofs but the MST3K silhouettes block the few shots where you can see them.) In this reviewer's opinion, Torgo's kind of cute for an Igor-like minion of evil, in a scruffy rough-trade sort of way -- but your mileage may vary. Regardless, this MST3K episode turned him into a minor cult icon.

BearMovie: #91  
Entered: April 21, 2001 by cg

 
Piranha

Year: 1978
Attributes: Color, DVD
Rating: 
Length: 94 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Bradford Dillman   Kevin McCarthy   Paul Bartel   Keenan Wynn  

Review:
For no apparent reason (other than that they look good) this Roger Corman produced campy fish fest manages the rare feat of having four of it's leading actors with full beards, and goes to show that a face full of fur is no protection from man-eating mutant fish. All this and Barbara Steele!

BearMovie: #52  
Entered: February 3, 2000 by dwc

 
Redneck Zombies

Year: 1987
Attributes: Color, Directors Cut, DVD, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 93 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: James Housely    Zoofeet  

Review:
Bad movie heaven, and as you would expect with a title like that, an abundence of burly bearded types running around in the woods. Main mention goes to Zoofeet (that's the name of the actor, not his character - presumably a psudonym), a chunky bear who spends most of the movie running around shirtless and demanding to be known as Elly-May! Note that this is for the "director's cut" version of the movie (which is unrated, as opposed to the "regular cut" which has an R rating.

BearMovie: #53  
Entered: February 3, 2000 by RAD

 
Soultaker

Year: 1990
Attributes: Color
Rating: 
Length: 94 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Charles Bosworth  

Review:
A movie so bad, it was made into an MST3K episode (which itself is quite funny and enjoyable.) Basic plot: Joe Estevez, the runt of the Estevez/Sheen litter, stars as an angel of death who must take the souls of a rich teenage girl, her underclass beau, and his two loser friends. Its only redeeming quality is the woofy, bearded dad of the boyfriend.

BearMovie: #90  
Entered: April 21, 2001 by cg

 
Terror Firmer

Year: 1999
Attributes: Color, Directors Cut, DVD
Rating: 
Length: 114 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Yaniv Sharon  

Review:
Wonderful extended sequence of chubby bear Yaniv Sharon (as "Naked P.A.," whatever that is) running nude (except for a "headcast" and sneakers) on 42nd Street in NY. Yaniv's husky/chubby bod was too much even for NY, the cops shut them down after the initial shooting, so they had to finish that scene in other locales. There is also a bit part by famous pornbear Ron Jeremy. It is a two-disk set, and there is a documentary about the filming (made in 2001) on disk 2, with the original footage of Yaniv and shots of him with & without clothes, plus comments by him (cute Jewish bear, long-hair/moustache). I bought it just for that sequence! The Troma website (www.troma.com) has some video clips of the scene for download which may be 'enough' for some admirers. This is a terror movie sendup with gallons of blood & gore, so not everyone will view it as humor instead of gratuitous guignol.

BearMovie: #124  
Entered: June 27, 2002 by cg

 
The Thing

Year: 1982
Attributes: Color, DVD, Letterbox, NTSC, VHS
Rating: 
Length: 109 minutes

version also available

Featured Bears: Kurt Russell   Wilford Brimley   Richard Masur   Joel Polis  

Review:
Bears aplenty in this John Carpenter- directed remake of the horror classic. A group of Americans stationed on a remote Antarctic research station face a deadly threat that could be anywhere.. or anyone. Masur and (surprisingly) Russell are very woofy with their Grizzly Adams beards. Brimley is, alas, clean-shaven but still cute.

BearMovie: #105  
Entered: June 30, 2001 by cg


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