Online "Netiquette"

Bears and gentlemen, as the saying goes, "Times - they are-a changin'". We are on the cusp of the 21st century and the way we interact has greatly changed thanks to the internet.

The metamorphosis has come about primarily through online ads (with and without photos), chatrooms, newsgroups, and creating our own personal webpages. With these tools, some of us have become virtual online "stars", others have found lovers and friends, while some have lined up next week's list of tricks without ever leaving the house. The possibilities are endless. But with this new technology comes new responsibility.

The internet allows one total anonymity. Even so, I find that most bears do indeed represent themselves truthfully. Or at the very least, truthfully to a point. Although in the rush to connect, some guys simply forget - well, their manners. Online etiquette or "netiquette" should always be at the forefront of internet interaction. Sometimes you only have one chance to make a good impression. And this medium in its current incarnation doesn't allow for very much inflection.

We all have a desire to connect. Here's some helpful hints to accomplish this without coming off as a jerk. It's common sense really, which I find sadly, isn't all that common after all. Ads, chatrooms, and personal webpages are the primary ways we interact and meet men. Here's my advice and reflections on all three.

Creating an ad

Most guys have few problems constructing an ad. We really do know what we're looking for don't we? What kind of man turns us on, our kinky habits, and pertinent geographical information is usually all there.

Personally, I find that a decent CURRENT photo only enhances one's chances for response. Remember, this is your FIRST impression to the online community. You're not doing yourself any favors by posting a BAD grainy photo! Thinking about running for office a few years down the line? Then it's probably not the best idea for you to show that nude pic of yourself. Once these pictures are out there, that's it. Depending on how woofy you are, it's only a matter of time before your pic shows up on countless newsgroups and websites. I personally have no problem with nudity and find that this is probably the BEST way to get some ursine's attention.

I also mentioned the word "current" . Very important. You're only doing yourself a disservice by using a photo that's five to ten years out of date. Change is the only constant, and most of us are aware of this. People cut their hair, trim beards to goatees, and grow mustaches. Fine. But it's the author's responsibility to inform his newfound friend/suitor/sex buddy of these changes within the first e-mail exchange. Once again, this is a personal observation, but some guys not only go into what they like but what they don't like as well. For the most part, this is a great idea. You've got asthma, no need to attract that daddybear regardless how hot he looks chewin' that cigar. But there's no need to be excessive with your list of dislikes. One comes off as jaded or messed up goods.

On the flipside, answering the ad is where a lot of folks run into trouble. You've met the cub of your dreams. Fantastic. And of course, you think you're EXACTLY what he's looking for. If not for a lifetime, certainly till next week. Well the good news is, you probably are. But just to be sure, take the time to actually READ the ad. I know that sounds simple, but you'd be amazed how many guys project themselves to "fit" a particular ad. If the cub is into specifically otters or thin bears, you as a chub are probably better off not writing. But you REALLY like this guy, what do you do? Well, write him if you must, but you really should start the missive off with "Hey, I know I'm not your type but..." By doing this, you're at least showing some respect for what the gentleman has written and his particular needs. By the same token, if he's stated "I only dig Gen-X bears from age 20-30" and you've just turned 32 - go ahead and write. Just state that you are 32 in your initial e-mail response. Chances are 2 years won't make that much of a difference to him. 42? Forget it pal.

As stated earlier many guys include a photo in their ad. Sometimes, bears will request that you send a pic in return, while others do not. When responding to these ads whether they ask or not, SEND a picture back of equal or greater value. I can't stress enough how important this is! First and foremost, people appreciate when folks can follow directions. When you don't, depending on the person's temperament, your response will be deleted! And who wants that? But I don't have any pix? What should I do? Don't respond. Everyone enjoys a level playing field. This guy, whomever he may be is sharing his photo with the whole world in hopes of meeting a nice bear.

All YOU have to do is share a pic with HIM. That's more than fair in my book. Equal or greater value? What does that mean? Simply this. If stated bear is just supplying you with a balls and cock shot, you really are only obligated to send the same back. Still, you're trying to impress, it's in your best interest to send him something better. But if the gentleman is sending you a complete full frontal nude complete with hard on, can you in good conscience send him that faceless cock and balls shot? Not if you want a response you don't. Don't have a nude? No problem, simply send your best clothed shot. All will be right with the world.

Online chatting

For the uninitiated, chat rooms are set up like individual communities with each room featuring a different topic. Many chat rooms have the ability to private chat with one individual in addition to monitoring and participating in other primary rooms. It's not uncommon for someone at Gay.com to log on in multiple rooms of interest.

I don't have nearly as much to say about chatting as I do about online ads, but there are some pitfalls you can avoid. First off, please keep your conversation civil. You potentially have men from all over the world chatting. There are bound to be a difference of opinion from time to time. And that's cool. No one can expect to agree on everything, but remember your opinion is no better or worse than anybody else's. Don't like the overall vibe of the room? Then leave, and come back some other time. In most cases, this scenario is rare. Most bears really do play nice.

Whenever possible, I always try to respond when someone private chats me. The length of time I stay in private chat depends on several factors. Instances of a short chat may be due to me chatting in a main room or private chatting with someone else. Or I came to the conclusion that the gentleman privating me and myself had very little in common. Obviously longer chats ensue when my online friends and I get together or when I find someone I find interesting or very attractive. In any case no one likes to be ignored, so I do my best to respond accordingly.

Some guys really like to private chat. It's a wonderful tool for getting to know someone better, engaging in a little cyber-sex, or finalizing that real-time meeting. Other guys hate it. Presumably, due to the fact that they probably prefer to chat in the main room and find the constant interruption of private chatting annoying. I admit, it can be disruptive at times. Those that fall into the latter category usually state in their bio not to private them. By the same token, some men like to surf elsewhere or do other tasks on their computer while maintaining their chat links to the background. They will ask you to specifically private them due to the fact that they may be elsewhere.

Many of the points I mentioned in the paragraphs above can be applied here. In addition to that, here's a few words of warning. In most cases the ultimate goal is to meet someone. Whether it's Mr. Right or simply Mr. Right Now, it behooves a person to use some common sense. Of course you CAN have that real-time meeting in your own home twenty minutes after chatting with someone online, but I really don't advise it. Yes, there are exceptions, there are several online friends that I have met that I feel comfortable enough after many conversations to invite to my home. Still, your best bet is to "meat" somewhere neutral where both parties can feel comfortable. At worst, this hook up could be a dangerous person, or in a not-so-bad scenario the gentleman simply wasn't all that truthful in describing himself. (See? A pic comes in handy!) Got a bad feeling about someone after meeting someone for real? Leave. Don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. There's no shame in a tactful, gracious retreat.

Personal webpages

One more thing

Take care, and pleasant surfing.

Editor's note: If you want to set up a homepage but don't have one, check out our NetBears section. It lets you put up pictures and info about yourself by answering a few simple questions. And if you have a homepage already, you can get more bears to visit you by adding yourself to NetBears. Check it out!!

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