I look back and remember, while growing up as a child, the dreaded ritual of going out and buying new clothes for the forthcoming school year. All my life I was resigned to the fact that I couldn't purchase my pants in the "regular" area for growing boys. It seemed that I had already grown and was relegated to the "Husky" or "Fat Boy" section of the department. I made sure to avoid, at ALL costs, a pair of corduroy pants that would have me sounding like a threshing machine as I walked down the school corridors. It was only much later in life that I celebrated the day when I could pick and choose from the seemingly multitudinous selection of trousers in the "normal" section.

When I first discovered Bears and the Bear Community, and then began identifying myself as a Bear, it felt as if, (to paraphrase the old saying by Groucho Marx), I had found the club to which I belonged and that would actually have me as a member! Here I was, of large build and covered in fur which usually elicited disparaging comments, finding a "peer group" that not only allowed myself the place to BE myself, bit actually liked the idea of seeing me in a tank top, (if not MORE of me)! (Now, if only I'd HAD tank tops). Not only was the "fur factor" admired, so was the size factor, as well.

Being amongst groups of Bears and their variety of activities and "fun" did more to boost my, (and I'm SURE many others), self-perception of our own appearance than the total of all my previous years in the gay community. It's no surprise or shocking revelation that many of us in the Bear community have problems with self-image and confidence. Within this, (yes), nurturing group I learned to re-accept myself for what I had to offer, not just through my physical attributes, but through whatever means I wished to express myself. Whether through organizing or participating in activities, just "hanging out", or pursuing more carnal pleasures, I was now living my life within a group that provided me with a safe sense of place; accepting and (somewhat) tolerant of the differences between ourselves as well as a different world from the larger gay community from which many of us set ourselves apart.

I don't know whether it's the increasing awareness, growth and "acceptance" of Bears as a segment of the gay population, or just the fad aspect of it all, but our numbers have been ever growing (in size and numbers) over the past few years. With this increase (and safety?) in numbers, many of the "disenfranchised" in the gay men's community have sought out, what they may only have perceived as, a greater acceptance found within the safe harbor of the Bear "collective".

These new visitors, perhaps, not being in possession of their "What Is A Bear" handbook, pledge pin and secret handshake, find themselves not in a warm, lovey-dovey environment of manly nurturing and encounter groups; but, rather, find themselves in a smaller, tightly knit environment of cliques, "in" crowds, and rituals seemingly more intricate than those of a high level Masonic order.

Perhaps there are some who subscribe to my (dear departed) Grandmother's belief in the "gangplank" theory of immigration: "Once you're here, pull up the gangplank so those after you can't follow." (As much as I loved her, she was a bit xenophobic). Does anyone else find it ironic that there now seems to be a backlash against persons with large builds in the "Bear Community"?

I'm sure this falls into the self defined "What Is A Bear" belief system, but whatever happened to at least saying "hello" and greeting a newcomer, whether you feel like groping him, or not? Beardom, while growing ever larger as time goes on, is and can be certainly LARGE enough for inclusiveness, whether the persons wishing to call themselves "Bear" fit YOUR definition of that term, or not.

Hal Hillman, Mr. Bear New England 2000, is president of Ursa Travel, a company dedicated to providing travel products and services to the Bear and Gay Communities.

Text and images are Copyright © 1994-2010 by Resources for Bears
and their respective owners. All rights reserved.