Dear Hungry,

Cuddles wishes to first of all congratulate you on finding me a new sex-related issue to discuss with my friends. Lately the banter just wasn't progressing beyond "Didn't you sleep with my husband?" and "Hasn't everybody?" Some new conversation was sorely needed. Your question also was very good for identifying just who could think out-of-the-box, so to speak. And to just get the first association everybody has with this question out in the open and out of the way, just who could not get over the mental image of ass-oriented sex involving something gooey, brown, and quite aromatic. "Peanut Butter, The Tasteful Alternative." For some reason we end up packaging everything as a slogan.

But if certain bisexuals known to Cuddles get off with Nutella, then why should Skippy be left behind? Food has always had a delightful place in the spectrum of sexual practices, from consuming aphrodisiacs during dinner while scoping out the other guests, to the all-out slathering and tasting of culinary delights on and off each other's naked bodies. When attempted, though, certain obsessive-compulsives amongst us might want to rein in their Iron Chef tendencies. ("The Secret Ingredient is... sea urchin!" Ouch.)

Cuddles does have to confess to having stopped mixing food and sex, as I often get so distracted by the food that the sex just fades away. I just can't imagine a hot-fudge sundae without gossip, and nothing kills sexual passion faster than talking about people not present.

One smart cookie in the group I discussed this with considered that if you used naturally ground peanut butter, the oil that would gather at the top after a few days in the jar could actually be used as a full-fledged lubricant. Of course, this would (only slightly exaggerating) eat away at a latex condom faster than Cuddles at the aforementioned sundae, so it probably isn't for all. Other than that, I would recommend just spreading it on each-other bodies, being very careful to stay away from delicate areas of skin and mucous membranes if using the abrasive chunky variety, but if, and only if, you absolutely must. You see, the real reason Cuddles doesn't recommend using peanut butter during sex isn't because of squeamishness or safety, it is because cleaning the leftovers out of bear body fur is just gonna be one fucking annoying mutha of a chore.

-- Your now very hungry friend Cuddles.

"Nostalgia fuck!"

It is outbursts like that, dear Reader, why it is Cuddles that answers these questions, and not his boyfriend, who came up with that answer.

Cuddles himself understands your question and feels your confusion. Being over an ex is one thing. Being so over an ex that you can move on is another. And being beyond over into "Oh yeah... him... I think I slept with him..." territory really takes years -- or early dementia. It happens in stages and sometimes we ourselves are surprised at which stage we turn out to be in. We Know Where You Are Coming From.

However, there are some guidelines to consider:

1. Never dish the dirt on your ex to your best friend. Most likely you already have. If your best friend still wants to have the affair, respect his judgment, howver lousy and clouded you may think it is.
2. Never dish the dirt on your best friend to your ex. You really don't want to deprive your ex of finding out the hard way, now would you? If you feel generous, frame it in terms of not wanting to deprive him of a growth experience. If you are feeling human, frame it in terms of relishing the schadenfreude.
3. They're dishing the dirt on you. Live with it.

The only exception to the above may be if major mentall illness or homicidal tendencies are involved, and even then proceed with utmost caution.

As for the rest, act normal. If you can't, if you truly feel you will plotz in certain situations, remove yourself from them. If necessary, tell your best friend why. What you are going through is a perfectly normal human reaction. If he doesn't instantly understand or support you, he wasn't your best friend after all.

Heavens, Cuddles just wishes every question was as easy as yours, dear reader.

Usually I am just inundated with difficult or vague or downright inane questions: "Cuddles, why is my hair always dull and yet still feels greasy?" "Cuddles, why does nobody on AOL ever send me an Instant Message?" "Cuddles, is your name really Cuddles?" It is enough to drive a poor answerbear mad.

Not that I stay down for long, mind you. [The answers in order: 1) Because you wash your hair every day, so try washing only every other day and just rinsing on the others, give it three weeks since it's gonna take your scalp some time to down-regulate the grease. 2) Because you have one of those annoying negative profiles full of "no skinny guys, no fems, no fats, no this, no that, and you come across as a stuck-up bore. 3) Are you on drugs, or some kind of hippie?]

So, on to your dilemma. It is my firm belief that the best way to deal with secrets is exposing them. It is liberating, honest, and will make you a better person. However, there's no problem with some creative spin to make it palatable.

The next time you are surrounded by colleagues, preferably from all kinds of stations in the bank, sternly announce that you see it as your duty to know the community. Tell them that a customer-oriented bank for people and small businesses should know what it is like to work in or own a small business. By golly, this big desk and big salary and big responsibilities of yours are just plain isolating you from your customers. This whole white-collar thing is just total denial from how the other half lives.

This is why you moonlight in a small business. As an employee, no less. It is how you have come up with these new small-business services. So if your employees ever see you in that other job, they had better damn well not let on if they know what's good for them. And it would suit them to show some initiative of their own already.

There. Simple, huh? And if I ever catch you sniffing my underwear, we'll both know you have a problem: you see, I don't wear any.

Confused? Worried? Starved for exposure? Send your question to Cuddles The Answerbear and he just might take a stab at it. Send your email to cuddles@resourcesforbears.com.

Disclaimer: In reality, Cuddles is completely unqualified to answer anything authoritatively, and renders his counseling services completely for free. In other words, you will get what you paid for. All persons mentioned in this article are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. I am not wearing any pants either.

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